Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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