saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
