I just pynch a tree in the face
You smell like stripper and shame
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
