his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
