R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
