So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
