the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
