I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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