why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
