watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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