it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
