I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she pinky promised me she was 18
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
