I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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