you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
