Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
