How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
