hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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