the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
