Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
