ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
