I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
