Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
