Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
