I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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