She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
