Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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