So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
