If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sext me about skeletons
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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