she was so not down for the gang bang
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
