Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
