yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
