I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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