I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
