Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
