She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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