I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
