Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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