you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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