Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
