Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
