Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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