Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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