I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
