Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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