I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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