im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
