yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
