shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
