your thong is hanging out like whoa
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
