just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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