I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
