So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
