Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
