if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
