Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This toilet bowl is my home.
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