He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
