i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
