We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
