she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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