But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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