My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
