How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
