My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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