Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
being pregnant is like rehab
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
