Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Vodka?
Forever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
