I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
