Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
