If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
