2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
