hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
