Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
