you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
