I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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