Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize