your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
