You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
