i already hear my dad disowning me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
