Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
