Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
