i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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