...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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