I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
