well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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