Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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