nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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