I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
