I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
