Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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