u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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