dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
