I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
