Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
