Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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