she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
