Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize