I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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