Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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