I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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